Autumn is here…

But you won’t see any pictures of fall until mid winter at the rate I’m going! It’s really better that way because this way, we get to lengthen summer by posting pictures of sunny days into the cold, dark months of winter. Let’s be real, friends….we were screwed out of a decent spring and summer this year. I am not a lover of heat, but I do looooove long days. So right now, I’m wishing for a gorgeous Indian Summer full of leaf-kicking walks, finding acorns in the washer, and apples. Lots and LOTS of apples.  For now, though?  Enjoy these pics of strawberries!  We went picking twice…second time yielded sweeter juicier berries.  Also, what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t dress my children in white (for a second year in a row) for strawberry picking?  I’d be a terrible one.  So, instead I’m an awesome mom and dressed them appropriately.

 

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Whoops – then I forgot to post….

Most days, I wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep. Most days fly by without an apology. Most days I wonder if I’ll make it through these coming semesters. Most days the guilt of not being home for bedtime weighs so heavy that I cry. Most days.

Its been a while since I’ve written much anything other than school papers, essays, opinions, blah. Everyone seems to want to know what my opinion is on something…so I’ve pushed off the blog. I started this as a baby book – full of things that make me smile and tear up, things that I want the girls to be able to look back at in the coming years. But somewhere in between school, homework, a career, and life, it gets lost in the shuffle. So does housework, but that’s another story. I seem to go through phases where I write and pour out my heart through my words because it is so much easier than verbalizing them and when I stop for a period of time I feel like there is an angry swarm of hornets in my head. Writing is one of my escapes from the stresses that clog my life. I’m really not certain where I was going with all that to be honest – just needed to put my thoughts in a solid place.

Much has happened this summer in the Smeiska home. We camped, we swam, we gardened, we made dandelion necklaces, we got dirty and didn’t care.

My girls bring life to me. Violet – my little compassionate and caring child and Zoey – my humorist. Violet adores Z and frets when they aren’t together. She willingly gives her nacks (snacks) to anyone who will eat them – dog, cat, and daddy included and rushes to Zoey’s side when she falls. She is stubborn with might of a thousand armies and will rarely budge. She loves tuna sandwiches and plums and will always try something new. Sometimes, when she looks into my eyes, it feels like she is looking into my soul – pulling out the pain and hurt and making my world right again. She has taken to breastfeeding her stuffed animals with no shame. She adores sweets. Vi loves helping me “it” (knit) with “arn” (yarn). She has been saying complex sentences for quite a few months now. My little “quiet” Violet face. The “abc’s” are “her game” and no one is allowed to sing them with her. Also… “t,u,v” turn into “super v”. She can count to 10 and beyond, but many times mixes up the order of the numbers. She hearts puzzles. Hair brushing is something she loves. Trains are her favorite thing ever right now and she thoroughly enjoys when we drive under bridges. She is a heavy sleeper, like her daddy, and is nearly impossible to wake up in the morning. Unless, of course, it is Saturday. Then GAME ON at 6. I call bullshit.

Zoey is a joker. She cracks jokes to audiences and has, what I think, is an extremely mature sense of humor. Child is smart. Too smart for her own good. She knows how to spell park. She can count to 15, most of the time in the correct order. She is truly a momma’s girl. Since having class nearly every night, I’ve come to wake up with her curly blonde hair in my face most mornings. She loves to laugh and finds fun everywhere. Z is dramatic. She knows what her actions will do. She pushes her bottom lip out a little lower and slumps her shoulders down if something doesn’t go her way. Which seems to happen in places that cause the most embarrassment for mom and dad. She is extraordinarily musical and can almost sing songs in perfect pitch. She loves her bear bear with the heat of a million suns. Which is rather unfortunate because our back-up bear bear went missing. Along with Violet’s turkey shoes. If anyone has seen these two items, message me ASAP. She makes up words to songs….example: Pete the Cat and His White Shoes. The song goes I love my white shoes, I love my white shoes, I love my white shoes. She’ll sing the same song but change the words. “I’ve got my Dougie, I’ve got my Dougie, I’ve got my Dougie”. She has started exaggerating the truth. Ok she lies. Child lies. And she does it with a smirk to see if we catch on. She can identify the letters O, R, P, and B. But she calls them “B for bear bear, O for Olivia, R for Riley, and P for Peyton”. She also loves her some Jakey. But what kid doesn’t?

 

So, as you can imagine, I am very far behind on pictures again.  Perpetually.  Always.

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Three Gratitudes….Day *shrug*

I haven’t been posting my daily gratitudes here, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been waking up and immediately recognizing all that I am thankful for in my life. It really is amazing how much my perspective on life has changed just by doing such a small thing. My problems rarely seem as large anymore, and I have spent far less time worrying about my problems than I have challenging myself on ways to correct them. Beyond that though, this has enlightened me to opening myself up to eliminating complacency. Since adulthood, I’ve pushed myself to give whatever I could to those in need. In writing down what I am grateful for, I’ve come to realize that many of the things I am grateful for are not the tangible items that many people focus on being grateful for, but rather the people, emotions, and experiences that surround me daily. That isn’t to say that I am not very grateful for a latte on a rough Monday morning, because, let’s face it, I absolutely am. When I started this, I had to think to figure out what I was grateful for. Today, I can immediately rattle off not just three things, but a whole slew of joys that are in my life – waking and dreaming.

1. I’m so grateful to be in my 30s. I feel like much of my 20s were spent trying to please other people and to be what they wanted to be. My 30s though? Its all about what I want to do and be. I’ve given up judging and I make a conscious effort to give little thought when others judge me.
2. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to take the girls places by myself. This may not sound like a big deal, but for someone who suffers from crippling anxiety, it really is. I still have the dark thoughts troll through my mind of people stealing my babies, or them drowning, or me driving off of a bridge, but I am mostly able to push them aside. This anxiety has caused me to be a little bit of a hoverer. I spin it a different way though…I like to think that I’m involving myself in my children’s discovery of the world.
3. I’ve so so grateful for people who take time out of their lives to help me with mine. You all know who you are. Thank you.

 

Here are a few photos of the community garden plot soil turning and planting…

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Three Gratitudes – Day….Something or Other

 

 

 

I bet you all thought I fell off the “grateful” wagon. I thought I did too for a few moments. I had planned on blogging while we were at my parent’s house over the lovely, long weekend, but I used the time to read and relax. This week, and its only Tuesday (I know!) has left me stretched very thin. Between school and life and work and school and life and work, I have little time left for being still. I am grateful for so many things right this moment, but here are the ones at the front of my mind.

 

1. This may sound a bit strange, but I’m grateful for my parents living far away. As much as I am thankful to have Kurt’s parents in town. The times we spend are special, and the girls see the visits as adventures.

 

2. My daughters’ language skills. They are forever impressing me with their insight and ever-expanding vocabulary. Zoey called the lake “the big pool” while we were up north with such innocence that we couldn’t help but giggle and refer to it as such the remainder of the weekend. At night, the girls lay in bed, wrestling, laughing, talking, pretending…they have really gotten to be the best of friends.

 

3. I’m grateful for my comfy bed. And for toddler feet in my face as I wake up, and for chubby little arms wrapped around my neck as their eyes slowly close. And for kisses and “yi yove yous”. And for sweet paci faces.  And for toddlers dressing themselves in tutus and wellies.  <3

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Three Gratitudes – Day 18

1.  The amazing calming affect of taking a deep breath.

2.  Shopping trips on lunch breaks to clear the mind!  And finding a new dress that is oh so pretty.

3.  The hubs fixing my brakes!  It no longer feels like an 8.0 earthquake when I’m stopping the car!

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Three Gratitudes – Day 17

1.  Having a rather massive raspberry patch in our backyard.  It is so fulfilling to, at the end of a day in the cement jungle, to walk into our yard and pick sun-sweetened rubies.

 

2.  Flickers of light from fireflies as they float around me.

 

3.  Finding Zoey’s damn shoe after over an hour of searching ev.er.y.where.  I am most grateful for this today. And also for not losing my shit when I was looking for the friggin’ thing.

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Three Gratitudes – Day 16

 

 

1. Having the time to turn the little jewels we picked this morning into some amazingly delicious jam.

 

2. This might sound silly, but I’m grateful for feeling sore right now. To me, this means that I did something right this weekend.

 

3. Understanding people. :)

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2. This might sound silly, but I’m grateful for feeling sore right now. To me, this means that I did something right this weekend.

3. Understanding people. :)

Three Gratitudes – Day 15

1. This most glorious weather. My plants are loving it and we spend all day outside.

2. A pool. Today was beautiful, but it was a little on the warm side. The girls love splashing and swimming and chasing Lola around trying to dump water on her.

3. I’m grateful that there weren’t too many weeds in my community garden plot. Considering I haven’t been there in two weeks, I was able to clear them all out in about an hour.  There are some beautiful plots in there. Straight rows of lettuces, trellises made out of sticks, and, my favorite, a keyhole garden.  I was also grateful that I didn’t see any snakes this time.  :)

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Three Gratitudes – Day 14

1.  I’m grateful most today for the snuggles on the couch before bedtime and being “tucked in” by Zoey.

2.  I’m grateful for having an advocate who knows that I’m a great asset to a team and pushes to place me in a career path that I will be successful in.

3.  I’m grateful for the person who took my shopping cart back into Outpost for me after I unloaded my groceries and girls into the van.  <3  It really is the little things.

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3G – D12 & 13

So I’ll post my three from yesterday here too…

1. I’m grateful for Mark watching the girls so Kurt and I could spend some time together.

2. I’m grateful for live music. It always makes me smile….and although I didn’t know this when I originally wrote this, I am grateful for the sweet 14 year old who knew ALL the lyrics and had practically choreographed all the songs. It was delightfully awesome.

3. I’m grateful for the hubs sitting next to me at summerfest. Letting me jump around and belt out tunes! <3

And today…

1. Super grateful for a quad-shot cardamom spice latte at stone creek and (always) the lovely barristas there who are so kind.

2. The farmer’s market downtown that happens every Wednesday. Its so nice to take a break during work and walk with a friend or two for fresh veggies and fruit to snack on at work.

3. I’m grateful that my girls are not that much alike. They both have such vibrant personalities that I love them so very differently and so very much.

 

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