Most days, I wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep. Most days fly by without an apology. Most days I wonder if I’ll make it through these coming semesters. Most days the guilt of not being home for bedtime weighs so heavy that I cry. Most days.
Its been a while since I’ve written much anything other than school papers, essays, opinions, blah. Everyone seems to want to know what my opinion is on something…so I’ve pushed off the blog. I started this as a baby book – full of things that make me smile and tear up, things that I want the girls to be able to look back at in the coming years. But somewhere in between school, homework, a career, and life, it gets lost in the shuffle. So does housework, but that’s another story. I seem to go through phases where I write and pour out my heart through my words because it is so much easier than verbalizing them and when I stop for a period of time I feel like there is an angry swarm of hornets in my head. Writing is one of my escapes from the stresses that clog my life. I’m really not certain where I was going with all that to be honest – just needed to put my thoughts in a solid place.
Much has happened this summer in the Smeiska home. We camped, we swam, we gardened, we made dandelion necklaces, we got dirty and didn’t care.
My girls bring life to me. Violet – my little compassionate and caring child and Zoey – my humorist. Violet adores Z and frets when they aren’t together. She willingly gives her nacks (snacks) to anyone who will eat them – dog, cat, and daddy included and rushes to Zoey’s side when she falls. She is stubborn with might of a thousand armies and will rarely budge. She loves tuna sandwiches and plums and will always try something new. Sometimes, when she looks into my eyes, it feels like she is looking into my soul – pulling out the pain and hurt and making my world right again. She has taken to breastfeeding her stuffed animals with no shame. She adores sweets. Vi loves helping me “it” (knit) with “arn” (yarn). She has been saying complex sentences for quite a few months now. My little “quiet” Violet face. The “abc’s” are “her game” and no one is allowed to sing them with her. Also… “t,u,v” turn into “super v”. She can count to 10 and beyond, but many times mixes up the order of the numbers. She hearts puzzles. Hair brushing is something she loves. Trains are her favorite thing ever right now and she thoroughly enjoys when we drive under bridges. She is a heavy sleeper, like her daddy, and is nearly impossible to wake up in the morning. Unless, of course, it is Saturday. Then GAME ON at 6. I call bullshit.
Zoey is a joker. She cracks jokes to audiences and has, what I think, is an extremely mature sense of humor. Child is smart. Too smart for her own good. She knows how to spell park. She can count to 15, most of the time in the correct order. She is truly a momma’s girl. Since having class nearly every night, I’ve come to wake up with her curly blonde hair in my face most mornings. She loves to laugh and finds fun everywhere. Z is dramatic. She knows what her actions will do. She pushes her bottom lip out a little lower and slumps her shoulders down if something doesn’t go her way. Which seems to happen in places that cause the most embarrassment for mom and dad. She is extraordinarily musical and can almost sing songs in perfect pitch. She loves her bear bear with the heat of a million suns. Which is rather unfortunate because our back-up bear bear went missing. Along with Violet’s turkey shoes. If anyone has seen these two items, message me ASAP. She makes up words to songs….example: Pete the Cat and His White Shoes. The song goes I love my white shoes, I love my white shoes, I love my white shoes. She’ll sing the same song but change the words. “I’ve got my Dougie, I’ve got my Dougie, I’ve got my Dougie”. She has started exaggerating the truth. Ok she lies. Child lies. And she does it with a smirk to see if we catch on. She can identify the letters O, R, P, and B. But she calls them “B for bear bear, O for Olivia, R for Riley, and P for Peyton”. She also loves her some Jakey. But what kid doesn’t?
So, as you can imagine, I am very far behind on pictures again. Perpetually. Always.
Vi says stop judging, yo.